My never-ending struggle to not be a fat bastard

You know what I hate? Dieting, exercise and having to go outside. All of these things are awful and should be banned. What does this have to do with modelling? I’ll get to that. I am a serial and yo-yo dieter. I hover between slightly over-weight and fat bastard mode on a two year cycle. Don’t believe me? Well take a look at these pictures:


thin 1.1

Fat: fat2


thin 2.11

Fat:    fat 1


thin 3.11


Two year intervals, I kid you not. So- modelling, the reason behind these severe weight gains/ losses is as you can guess a very sedentary lifestyle that involves a lot of sitting at a computer hunched over model men. What can I tell you- I really hate outside. So as my hobby-boner becomes fully engorged, the exercise, diet and going outside level drops off to nil. I’m sure there are readers out there familiar with this phenomenon.

So what can you do to motivate yourself? How can you get back on the horse and stop being a fat bastard? Well- incentivise. My girlfriend has challenged me to lose weight, not because our relationship is balanced around how hot I look in swimwear- (because I look fabulous) but because she knows I need something to push me. So what is the incentive? For every seven pounds I lose I get a Contemptor Dreadnought. As soon as she offered me this incentive my attitude changed. Diet and exercise were no longer things to be loathed and despised- they were the path to a whole shed load of awesome Dreadnoughts.

We agreed on a target. I’m to drop from 16st 12 to 13st, that’s potentially seven Contemptors. I only have five words for you reader:

It’s on like Donkey Kong.

I will be updating you with how my quest for all the Dreadnoughts is progressing. Some of you might think this is unhealthy- well shut it. I will be eating healthily and exercising like a boss- everyday getting closer to another Contemptor. No longer will delicious treats like Dominos Pizza be able to tempt me. I’ll be all ‘bitch, I know you’re delicious but I’ve got me a new love- CONTEMPTORSSSS’

If you have had any similar experiences with being a fat bastard and loving models, please leave me a message telling me how great my idea is.